joel's heaven

Today would have been Joel's 9th birthday. 

Joel at RMH, a few months before he died- my fave pic

My mom and I were talking last night about how her friends with 9 year-olds say that it is a rambunctious age. 

It's hard for me to imagine him as rambunctious. He was unusually quiet for a baby, and not just because he was sick. You could speak to him and tell that he was thinking about what you were saying, that he was processing it in a way that seemed abnormal for a toddler. He understood things that should have been beyond him. He was so smart. Studious, even. Imaginative. I like to think that he would've grown into a little nerd that preferred reading over T.V, and being outside over any form of indoor entertainment (except maybe wrestling with his brothers). 

I wonder what heaven is like for him. (I imagine heaven in the way it's depicted in the movie What Dreams May Come, where everyone has their own little section that is unique to them).  I have a feeling his is an open field with blue and orange flowers, lots of bugs, the most colorful butterflies, with a kitten or two running around, and a space cleared for a basketball hoop. These were his favorite earthly things. 

And so it's more than fitting that when I went to our supply closet today to get more Kleenex (lots of tears today), the box I pulled out has this on it:

Until we see you again....
Loved with a love beyond all measure
Missed with a grief beyond all tears


  1. Leaves me in tears.. especially the kleenex box you grabbed! God knows the most intimate details of our lives and is so very concerned with showing us he is cool is that! Love you!


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