the darndest things

Since my Grandma's fall, subsequent hospital and rehab stay, I've been spending a lot of time with my grandparents. My Grandma moved back home last week and it's been a pretty rough transition.

To recap, she has dementia and virtually no- and I mean no- short-term memory (though some days are slightly better than others). Meanwhile, her long-term memory remains thoroughly intact. She can recall the most minor details of vacations, what she cooked for holiday dinners, and pet's names that were dead and buried before I was born.  

Given her current state, you never really know which direction the conversation will turn or what she'll say next. I say this next sentence with the utmost respect and love for her but she's like a two year old with an adult vocabulary, a quality that  embarrasses my Grandpa to no end but one that I find infinitely endearing. Some of her recent gems:

If you ask my Grandma how she's doing, nine times out of ten her answer will be Oh, I'm just partying like a rock star. I'm pretty sure she learned this phrase from one of us when it was trendy to say and she's never forgotten it.

I saw her on May Day and could hardly believe my ears when she said this rhyme: Hooray, hooray, the first of May. Outdoor screwing begins today! Yes, you read that right. My mouth dropped open and my Grandpa tried not to smile as he feigned shock. He told me that earlier in the day two friends had come to visit and my Grandma had said the first line. He said he sat praying that she wouldn't finish it.

I went over to make them dinner earlier this week and my Grandpa made me a gimlet (you can read more about our history of gimlets here).  As we sat in the kitchen, she would point to my Grandpa's drink and tell me It's how we lost the farm, you know. Also a favorite phrase when alcohol is present: Let's get drunk and be somebody.

When we sat down for dinner later that night, I expected the traditional "Come Lord Jesus" prayer and was quite surprised to hear my Grandma say this: Komm, Herr Jesu; sei du unser Gast; und segne, was du uns bescheret hast. That's the prayer I was expecting, just in German.

To close, just in case you thought my Grandpa wasn't an embarrassment threat, I offer Exhibit A. That's a beaver fur jacket he's wearing. Yep, beaver fur. My step-mom was going to tell it on Ebay for a neighbor and my Grandpa insisted on wearing it around the house one night. We're classy people. 

 true story


  1. Oh that is so awesome. You're like "I always knew my grandma was awesome--and she still is!" You don't know what is going to come out of her mouth, it could be something simple and silly or some life changing advice. I love the fact that you just never know and it will be things like this that you will always remember.


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